The Adonis Method

I’m gonna come right out and say it: I am an introvert! I suffer from rather acute social anxiety! I think I might be bipolar, but I definitely have ADD (I was diagnosed with it recently after 30 years of suffering from it–you’d think the fact that I tend to watch tv, while reading a book, texting people, and listening to music and still thinking I should be doing more would have been a tip-off :p but the thought had never occurred to me before)! I get seriously depressed during winter no matter what I do! I hate to answer my phone (even if there’s a really hot girl calling that I totally want to hang out with and she’s calling to make that happen!). Moreover, one of the main reasons I tend to go for One Night Stands and Same Night Pulls is because I don’t want to have to talk to the girl on the phone. I went 8 years without talking to anyone in my family even though they often made attempts to contact me (hell, they didn’t even know I was living in Vegas for years after I moved there). I have intense internal battles every time I consider walking up to people I don’t know to start a conversation with them….not just attractive girls, but also girls I’m not the least bit interested in and even other guys! I tend to introspectively dissect every minutia of information before acting upon it (I spent 2 years reading every book on poker I could get my hands on before I ever seriously sat at a table and played a hand of texas hold ‘em….I guess, I could say the same about my study of pickup). I have gone through periods in my life where I didn’t leave my bedroom for days on end (yes, I stocked my room with food and everything I would need to not have to even open my bedroom door). My list on these things could go on and on……

….Most people don’t know any of these things about me. A lot of people–even those I’m very close with–might think I’m just kidding about all of the things I just wrote: I am not! Although all of these things are absolutely true about me, I tend to act like they are not when I go out or am with other people. I think this may be my most honest post I have ever written. Despite all of these things, I get pretty good results and am consistently working on growing stronger and more grounded as a person.

Why am I posting all of this?? Well, part of it is catharsis and part of it is because I think I’m not alone on this issue. There has been a lot of discussion about “approach anxiety”, but almost no discussion on the broader subject of “social anxiety” and I want to put it out there. I want to share some of the things that I have done to deal with this problem and hopefully others can share what they have done.

Things that have helped me:

1) Wake up with a smile. I am NOT a morning person! Probably the biggest reason I have worked in bars for so long is because I hate waking up to alarm clocks or even waking up in general. But I have found if I can just force myself to smile for a minute or so when first waking up this puts me in a far better state, right from the get-go. I admit this sounds kind of silly but you’d be surprised how effective it is when you start doing it regularly.

2) Do things you enjoy doing in private in public (excluding jerking off ) I really enjoy reading and could sit at home for days with a stack of good books and read, read, read….but why not do that in a coffee shop or in a park where you can interact with people as well!?. Get out of your house! I find that if I just wake up and force myself to leave the house my “social muscles” warm up a lot quicker than if I go straight from being cooped up in my house all day to going to a bar and approaching sets.

3) Smile and make eye contact with everyone You don’t even have to say hi (though that would be even better) but acknowledge everyone you see with friendly eye contact and a warm smile. When I was at the Mehow Bootcamp, I decided to do a little experiment. I stood on Hollywood Blvd (the non-stop parade of delusion Grin) and just established eye contact and smiled at every girl that walked by…Almost all of them smiled warmly back…a few even stopped and opened me! I could even sense strong desire in several women that were with their boyfriends as they looked at me smiled, then got worried about what they felt and pulled their boyfriend closer to reassure themselves that they weren’t thinking what I know they were thinking (watch for that reaction, guys).

4) Get a job or take up a hobby that requires you to interact with others This is the other big reason I work in a bar. My job requires me to interact with others. I don’t even want to know what I would be like if I had to stay cooped up in an office or cubicle all day, every day. Perhaps you DO have one of those jobs…Then you absolutely MUST take up a hobby or join a group that requires you to interact with others–and pick something you actually enjoy!

5) Force yourself to talk to people This is probably the biggest thing I’ve done. Until now, most people probably had no idea I struggled with social anxiety. To most people I seem like I’m an extrovert. Why? I simply make myself talk to people….even when I don’t really feel like it (which is quite often!). Also, genuinely interact with them. Really listen to them. Relate with them. Try empathizing and see the world through their eyes….even if it’s completely different from your own world-view…especially if it’s different from you!

6) Be present If you haven’t read the book “The Power of Now”, do so! At the very least, read Tyler Durden’s summary of it here. You don’t have to take all the “spiritual” mumbo jumbo seriously. But really experience that sense of “now”. A lot of anxiety comes from constantly recalling the past or continually projecting into the future. There is a great sense of happiness to be gained just be really experiencing the now. Also, this book will really help you reach that “flow” state when you’re in the field. Think of it this way…almost every great memory you’ve had or enjoyable time you’ve had you weren’t thinking into the past or projecting into the future…You were living in that very moment and taking in all the sensations that moment had to offer. Why not do this all the time?

7) Tell more stories Start telling people more stories….even silly ones! And tell them to everyone. Practice them. You’d be surprised how a really lame story can become really interesting the more you tell it. I recall Juggler even saying that he could seduce a woman by just reading his grocery list to her. After meeting the guy, I have no doubt in my mind that this wasn’t just hyperbole. That guy can take the most mundane story and make it interesting….mainly because he has practiced telling stories so much.

Call people just to say “hi” Girls do this all the time (hahaha….I’m reminded of a scene from the Family Guy where Peter calls Quagmire while in the bathtub just to say “hi” when he was exploring his feminine side). It may be one of the biggest things girls do to keep their “social muscles” strong. This is something I’m working on right now….and let me tell you, this one is really tough for me for some reason. But I’ve noticed that if I make a few calls to friends before calling that sexy girl I met last night at the bar, things just flow!

9) Arrange social events Don’t just wait for others to do this for you…Actively arrange them yourself. One thing I do is every Sunday, my friend Steve, our friends, and I have a barbecue. This puts a whole bunch of us together and forces us to interact with each other….and we always have a great time and enjoy some tasty food and let’s not forget PBR! I used to be the social chair of a fraternity back in my college days and arranged activities for just about every night of the week. I really miss those days….Perhaps I should just start doing that again for no other reason then to just cause those interactions to always be taking place….

10) Just have fun! Be constantly self-amusing and share that with others. I think this is another thing that I have going for me and one of the biggest reasons most people don’t view me as the introvert that I truly am. I am constantly finding little things that I find amusing and sharing those things with others. I like to think in terms of “being the party”. Hey, most people aren’t gonna step up and do this….Why not do it yourself. You might be surprised how contagious this attitude is….not to mention how many women will find this naturally attractive and you’ll see them gravitate towards you.

I guess I could keep going on and on, but I’d really like to hear some ideas that other people have. Please feel free to comment on this subject as I don’t think this subject has ever really been talking about as explicitly as this….

Adonis